00:23.0
I try to eat healthy and maintain my body kasi very physical labor yung ginagawa namin.
00:28.2
Okay, so part of their work is, of course, makipag-contact sa mga different people or different actor or actress.
00:35.5
Very good na meron silang, magagay, regular testing.
00:38.2
Kasi hindi natin masasabi kapag nagkaroon ng symptoms or before pa magkaroon ng symptoms yung isa sa actor or sa actress,
00:43.9
eh baka naipasa na.
00:44.9
So, again, for safety measure, very, very important to get tested always.
00:49.5
To add safety, of course, maganda kung gumagamit pa rin ng mga condoms and ng mga contraceptive methods
00:54.5
para, syempre, may iwasan yung mga unwanted pregnancy
00:57.0
and yung pagpasa ng mga iba't-ibang sakit.
00:59.3
Big part of who we are today is based on what happened to us in our childhood.
01:03.9
The growth that I'm experiencing right now is acknowledging that inner child
01:07.9
and honoring what that child has wanted na hindi nabigay sa akin.
01:11.8
She missed out on a lot of positive attention and reinforcement.
01:15.2
Of course, during childhood, continuously developing pa rin yung ating mga brain, yung brain ng mga anak natin.
01:20.7
Any form or any environment, kung nasan man sila, sa hostile environment, sa medyo masayang environment,
01:27.0
nakaka-apekto yun sa development ng brain ng baby and sa personality niya and sa magiging outcome niya as an adult.
01:33.5
Kasi nagpo-form pa lang yung mga neural connections ng brain ng bata.
01:36.9
Very vulnerable pa yung childhood brain.
01:39.5
So, any form of trauma, talagang malaki po ang epekto.
01:43.0
Na minamahal mo yung sarili?
01:44.0
Mm-mm. Learning to love myself and learning to really take care of myself and be kind to myself.
01:49.5
Kasi, um, natutunan ko na if you hate yourself, if there's nothing but hate inside you for yourself,
01:54.9
it will spill out, eh.
01:56.0
It will affect your other relationships.
01:58.0
Dito muna tayo sa sarili ko.
01:59.6
One of the reasons kaya nagkakaroon ng mga anxiety, depression, mga form of personality disorder
02:06.2
is of course kapag nagkakaroon ng chronic neglect yung bata.
02:09.1
Pag sinabi natin neglect, hindi na ibibigay yung mga pangangailangan.
02:12.4
Hindi lang naman yung pagkain, eh. Hindi lang yan financial.
02:14.9
Of course, yung mga anak natin, may pangangailangan din yan emotionally.
02:17.9
Yung pagmamahal na dapat maibigay, yung care na dapat maibigay, kailangan nila yan
02:22.8
para mas maganda yung development nila or yung paglaki nila.
02:26.0
Ito na siguro yung mga sa financial side.
02:30.5
Kasi kapag ang bata ay hindi nabigyan ng tamang pagkain, hindi nabigyan ng tamang shelter,
02:35.1
of course, madali silang dapuan ng sakit.
02:36.8
One of the manifestation niyan, kapag meron silang growth stunting, hindi sila tumatangkad.
02:41.3
Kapag hindi sila tumatangkad, ibig sabihin nun, hindi sila nabibigyan ng tamang nutrisyon.
02:45.5
So baka kulang yung nabibigay ng pagkain.
02:47.6
Because I came from a narcissistic household, I learned quite recently na it's possible pala for narcissists
02:55.0
to be narcissistic.
02:56.0
To gather and exist in the same family.
02:59.0
And ang nangyayari with narcissists is that they feel terrible about themselves.
03:03.1
They want everyone around them to feel terrible as well.
03:05.9
Okay, pag sinabing narcissist or narcissistic personality disorder,
03:09.7
isa itong condition na nadadiagnose ng mga psychiatrist or psychologist.
03:13.8
Usually, mga tao na may ganito, ang iniisip nila lagi is yung sarili nila, yung sarili nilang benefit.
03:19.6
Okay, yung tinatawag nating me first attitude.
03:22.1
So pag nabing me first attitude, ako muna, ako muna yung masusunod.
03:26.0
Bida, naglolong sila or nagkikrave sila for attention, nagkikrave sila for mga praises, mga papuri.
03:32.6
Tapos kapag sila naman yung nakikriticize minsan, hindi maganda yung kanilang response.
03:37.3
Sobra-sobra silang mag-expect ng special treatment.
03:40.2
Kasi natingin nila sa sarili nila, superior sila sa mga taong nakapaligid sa kanila.
03:44.2
And very prominent na feature or characteristic nila is yung manipulative behavior.
03:48.9
Magaling sila mang loko, magaling sila magsinungaling para mag-take advantage sa'yo
03:53.3
and magkaroon sila ng personal gain or mag-benefit.
03:56.0
So ang nangyayari in narcissistic households with narcissistic parents,
04:01.1
pinubuli nila yung mga anak nila.
04:03.0
Sinasabihan na, pangit ka, wala kang mararating.
04:06.2
You know, like all of your decisions are wrong, you don't know what's best for yourself.
04:10.6
I grew up hearing that everyday.
04:14.0
Pinapagalitan ako, pinapahiya.
04:15.3
Okay, so the reason for that is kasi nga narcissist yung parents.
04:19.1
Ang ginagawa ng mga parents na merong narcissistic personality is
04:22.8
sisiraan nila yung mga anak nila para magkaroon sila ng personal gain.
04:26.0
Para they feel good about themselves.
04:28.5
Ayaw nila yung sarili nila.
04:29.6
So as their way para makapag-compensate,
04:32.0
sasabihan ng mga masasama yung anak,
04:33.8
sasabihan na pangit, okay, walang mararating sa buhay,
04:36.3
kagaya nga nang nangyayari or yung nangyayari kay Ma'am Salome.
04:39.7
Isa kasing way nila yun para mag-take control dun sa environment or sa bahay nila.
04:44.4
Para sila pa rin yung bida.
04:45.6
Also, yung mga parents na ganito, hindi sila nag-express ng love.
04:49.3
Kung mag-express man sila ng love, medyo minamanipulate nila.
04:52.3
Okay, hindi siya natural form of love.
04:55.1
Sige, bibilan kita.
04:56.0
Isa ng mga gusto mo, na laruan, papag-araling kita sa mga gandang school.
05:00.2
Pero at the back of their mind, ang iniisip nila is,
05:02.6
bibigay ko sa'yo yan kasi babawihan kita in the near future.
05:06.2
Gusto ko meron din ako makukuha from you in the near future.
05:09.9
Pinapagalitan ako, pinapahiya ako in front of our guests.
05:13.6
Kukumpulkumpul silang magkakapatid.
05:15.0
They would talk shit!
05:16.8
They would make fun of my clothes.
05:19.5
They would make fun na malaki yung gilagid ko.
05:21.9
They would make fun na...
05:24.1
Sabi ko kanina, very vulnerable.
05:25.1
Vulnerable ang brain ng mga bata.
05:27.0
So any form of hostile or pangit na environment,
05:30.2
magre-reflect sa, or dadalhin nung bata sa pagtanda niya.
05:33.6
Pangit lang no, kasi as child, as children,
05:36.7
eh tinitinga lang mo yung parents mo bilang they're your first role model sa buhay.
05:41.1
So kung yung ginagawa nila, parang sa'yo bilang bata,
05:43.9
ah ito dapat pala yung ginagawa kasi yun yung nakikita mo sa parents mo.
05:46.9
Pero kung ganito yung childhood environment mo nung bata ka,
05:50.2
eh ang pangit, talagang dadalhin mo ito hanggang sa pagtanda.
05:52.9
Na-realize ko, like when I started,
05:55.1
when visiting my friend's houses,
05:56.5
nakikita ko na parang they're all treating each other in a civil way.
06:00.7
Bakit hindi ganito sa bahay?
06:02.2
Kung mostly positive yung nakuha ko,
06:04.3
bakit ako broken ngayon?
06:06.4
Bakit ako merong body dysmorphia issues?
06:09.5
Okay, body dysmorphia, nasabi niya,
06:11.3
yan yung nababangit na rin natin dati yan.
06:13.4
Yung mga pasyente, tingin nila sa sarili nila.
06:15.4
Hindi pa nila nare-reach yung gusto nila
06:17.1
o yung desire nilang itsura.
06:18.5
Nauuwi sa paulit-ulit na pagpaparetoke,
06:21.0
pagpapainhance, paulit-ulit hanggang medyo
06:23.4
sa mata ng ibang tao, medyo sobrang
06:25.1
na. Pero sa mata nila, kulang pa.
06:26.8
O kaya naman, lagi silang, or excessive yung
06:28.7
pagpapayat nila, pagdadayat nila, or yung pagjijim.
06:31.3
Incorrect, sabi ni Ma'am Salome.
06:33.6
Isa yun, sa mga consequence, kapag
06:35.0
ganun yung childhood mo, yung environment mo,
06:37.5
magkakaroon ka ng self-doubt.
06:38.8
Kasi wala kang ma-receive na positive reinforcement
06:41.3
from your parents. So, pagdududahan mo na
06:43.3
yung sarili mo, mababawasan yung
06:45.0
yung self-esteem. Di ka na kampante
06:47.1
sa sarili mo. Wala ka ng self-confidence.
06:49.3
Parang pagdududahan mo na rin yung sarili mo,
06:51.5
pagtahap mo ng mga iba't ibang goal
06:53.3
sa buhay, parang ayaw mo na rin abutin.
06:55.2
Dahil nga, nagkaroon ka ng ganong parents.
06:57.8
Lahat ng paniniwala ko about
06:59.3
myself na pangit, kailangan kong basagin
07:01.3
in order for me to move forward.
07:03.1
Napatawad mo na yung parents mo?
07:04.5
They have to put in the work.
07:06.3
I put in the work of
07:08.6
trying to heal from the damage that they cause.
07:11.3
One of the steps na magandang
07:13.5
gawin kung talaga nakaka-experience
07:15.1
ng ganito, of course, mahirap yung tanggapin, mahirap
07:17.0
magpatawad talaga. Pero,
07:18.8
it's not too late to ask for help, no?
07:20.9
Meron tayong mga tiyatawag na family therapy
07:23.2
or mga family counseling. Ginagawa po
07:25.2
yan ng mga psychiatrist, okay?
07:26.9
Kakausapin yung mga family members and
07:28.7
itatry na baguhin yung thinking
07:30.7
and baguhin yung mga pathologic mindset
07:33.1
ng mga members of the family.
07:34.7
Ang pangit lang rin kasi sa mga parents na ganito
07:36.8
or sa mga tao na may ganito, they don't recognize
07:39.2
na meron silang karamdaman.
07:40.6
Anong babaguhin nila sa sarili nila?
07:42.0
Hindi sila mag-i-initiate na magpakonsulta.
07:44.8
Hindi sila mag-i-initiate na
07:46.0
makipagbate or makipag-usap sa mga
07:47.9
family members nila. So, yun yung medyo challenging.
07:50.2
When it comes to, like, academic
07:52.1
achievements, they really, like,
07:53.8
encouraged me. I loved acting,
07:56.2
I loved singing, and writing,
07:58.4
and, like, I was able to do all of those things.
08:00.1
Isa rin to sa mga warning signs, actually,
08:01.9
na pwede, on the bad side, ah,
08:04.0
pwede ginagamit din kasi siya ng parents
08:06.0
niya for personal gain. Kasi,
08:07.7
anak ko yan, magaling niyan sa academics,
08:09.5
magaling niyan sa iba't-ibang talents,
08:11.4
magaming talents yan. Pero, ang na-fulfill ng parents
08:13.4
is sila yung na-uplift. Kasi, natatalo
08:15.5
nila yung mga ibang parents na medyo
08:17.5
mabababa yung achievements ng mga anak.
08:19.6
Pero, in retrospect, I think
08:21.6
na they were doing that kasi
08:23.1
it looks good for the family pag meron silang
08:25.6
gifted child. Ayun na.
08:27.5
Sabi rin niya. May physical abuse
08:29.3
nung 8 years old? Meron. Sexual abuse?
08:31.9
Mm-mm. I was touched
08:33.3
in a way that made me feel...
08:35.1
Inappropriately. Sexual abuse sa mga kabataan,
08:37.3
of course, ginagawa yan ng perpetrator
08:39.4
kasi for their personal sexual
08:41.4
desire. So, ginagamit nila yung mga bata.
08:43.7
Pwede hindi yan physical. Pwede
08:45.2
ano lang, by observation lang.
08:47.7
Pwede kahit di kahawakan. Minsan,
08:49.6
naninilip, may mga pinapagawa doon sa
08:51.4
bata na nakaka-stimulate sexually
08:53.5
doon sa tao. Signs na merong
08:55.4
possible na nagkaroon ng sexual
08:57.4
assault or sexual abuse yung mga
08:59.4
anak po natin is kapag medyo
09:01.4
madalas sila magkaroon ng mga nightmares
09:03.7
o kaya nagkakaroon sila ng
09:05.3
medyo withdrawn na sila. Medyo iwas na
09:07.4
sila sa mga tao. Sa mga tito, tita.
09:09.6
Medyo umiiwas na sila. Medyo natatakot sila.
09:11.5
Or kabaliktaran. Baka naman ayaw nilang
09:13.4
maiwan mag-isa. Gusto nila lagi
09:15.2
kayo kasama. Kasi nga, may mga something
09:17.5
na nangyayari na hindi dapat.
09:19.3
Yung pinakamasakit na parang they blame
09:21.3
it on my existing mental health
09:23.5
issues. Parang, ba't ka nagtatantrums?
09:26.1
Parang, why are you acting like
09:27.5
na parang baliw? Yun yung
09:28.9
nilabel ka baliw. Nilabel ako
09:31.2
baliw. They know the person who did
09:33.4
that to me. So, Dok, ano yung mga
09:35.2
long-term effects nito sa bata kapag lumaki
09:37.2
na sila? May tendency sila na magkaroon
09:39.4
nga ng self-doubt. Okay? Walang tiwala sa
09:41.1
sarili. Walang confidence. Medyo mababa yung
09:43.2
self-esteem. Pagtitiwala sa sarili sa
09:45.2
mga bagay-bagay. Medyo hirap din sila mag-decide
09:47.6
sa mga bagay-bagay. People pleaser.
09:49.5
Normal lang naman maging mag-people please.
09:51.3
Minsan. Pero medyo extreme yung sa kanila.
09:53.4
Kasi nga takot sila na magkaroon ng tragic
09:55.2
na relationship. Also, medyo hirap sila
09:57.2
mag-form ng long-lasting relationship
09:59.2
and mga fulfilling relationship. Pag nagkaroon
10:01.2
sila ng boyfriend or girlfriend, laging
10:02.8
nag-aaway. Laging nag-break. Away-bate.
10:05.1
Mga ganun. Medyo toxic. And since
10:06.9
yun yung nakita nila sa parents nila growing up,
10:09.4
pwedeng may mga mamana sila.
10:11.5
Yung tinatawag nating mana. Pwede nila
10:13.2
gawin yun in their adult life.
10:15.1
Pwedeng magkaroon din sila ng mga
10:17.0
konting traits ng pagiging narcissist.
10:21.8
Nag-build ka na lang ng facade mo na
10:24.0
di nyo na ako masasaktan, malakas ako.
10:26.9
Kasi sobra na yung inner pain
10:28.8
na dinil mo nung bata ka
10:32.3
So ito yung naging consequence, no?
10:34.3
Binare niya lahat ng trauma,
10:36.1
lahat ng hostile environment, and ito na siya
10:38.2
bilang adult. Sabi na ba sa'yo kung gano'n
10:40.4
ka ka-strong? O ikaw lang ang
10:42.2
nakaka-realize nun sa sarili mo?
10:43.8
I think, ano, like, the people around me,
10:46.1
like, hindi sila nagkukulang in telling me that.
10:48.9
And I have a habit of
10:50.3
discrediting myself.
10:53.7
giving myself enough credit
10:55.7
for what I've achieved.
10:57.1
Due to the high levels of self-doubt.
11:00.2
Kahit may mga na-achieve na sila
11:01.8
sa buhay nila, hindi nila binibigyan
11:03.8
ng credit masyado yung sarili nila
11:06.0
kasi feeling nila kulang pa sila.
11:07.9
Kung meron kayong partner, may asawa,
11:09.9
husband, or wife kayo na tingin nyo merong
11:11.9
narcissistic traits, kung sa tingin nyo
11:13.8
na-apektohan yung inyong growing child,
11:15.7
ito yung mga pwede nyo gawin. Of course, dapat
11:17.5
maging example kayo nung parent na
11:19.7
kailangan nung bata. Kung yung asawa,
11:21.3
ay talagang hindi nang bibigay ng
11:23.3
pagmamahal, talagang ini-invalidate
11:25.6
lagi yung feelings nung inyong
11:27.3
anak. Ikaw, ikaw yung magbigay para ikaw
11:29.3
yung tatakbuhan niya. Para hindi siya totally wala.
11:31.5
Of course, makipag-usap dun sa anak mo
11:33.4
kung ano talaga yung nararamdaman niya
11:35.4
para malaman mo rin and makapag-express
11:37.5
din siya para wala siyang tinatago.
11:39.4
Kung kaya na i-minimize yung time
11:41.2
of interaction dun sa asawa mo
11:43.1
and sa anak nyo, gawin mo. Kasi kapag
11:45.3
mas nag-i-spend sila ng time together
11:47.0
with that form of treatment, mas pangit po
11:49.3
yung effect sa anak nyo. And of course, mga katulad,
11:51.3
mayroon din kung madodocument nyo. Mapikturaan,
11:53.5
mabidyohan, and para magkaroon
11:55.4
ng legal action kung kailangan.
11:57.4
I learned eventually na
11:59.4
parang hindi ko na maasahan
12:01.5
yung magulang ko to be
12:03.5
the parents that I deserve.
12:05.4
As a child, it's now up
12:07.3
to me to parent myself.
12:09.3
Ang pangit lang nangyari kay
12:11.2
Ma'am Salome, parehas nung parents
12:13.3
niya yung talagang nag-necklace sa
12:15.3
kanya, hindi lang isa. So kung ganito,
12:17.2
of course, meron tayong mga hotlines
12:19.3
na 24x7 handang makipag-usap
12:21.2
sa inyo. Meron yan sa NCMH.
12:23.3
Isa po yung government hospital na tumatanggap
12:25.3
ng mga problems like this.
12:27.7
And of course, kung meron mga malapit
12:29.4
na mga psychiatric clinics,
12:31.3
maganda po kung lalapit na po kayo.
12:33.0
Punta nyo na po yung sarili nyo para
12:34.6
hindi na po kayo mahirapan sa gantong sitwasyon.
12:36.9
Also, nalala ko, no, kadalasan din kapag
12:39.0
signs na narcissist yung inyong
12:40.7
mga parents is kapag mahilig silang mag-gaslight.
12:43.2
Okay, anong example? Kunyari meron silang
12:45.0
na-request tapos hindi mo na ibigay.
12:47.2
Worst case scenario, nagpapanggap na may sakit
12:49.1
para makapag-gain ng attention. Kasi, di ba,
12:51.2
medyo, as adults, malayo na kayo
12:53.3
sa kanila. Minsan na lang kayo makabalik.
12:55.1
So, nagpapanggap na may sakit. Ayun pala,
12:57.2
gusto lang ng sobrang taas ng attention.
12:59.9
Tapos, minsan, may mga script pa sila na
13:01.8
okay, di mo na pala ako mahal.
13:03.6
Okay, ayaw mo na pala ako bigyan ng
13:05.4
pera pang bisyo ko,
13:07.2
pang ala ko. Di mo na pala ako mahal.
13:09.4
Ganyan, ganyan, ganyan. So, yan yung mga
13:11.1
form of gaslight. Kung meron po kayo mga pinsan
13:13.6
o kamag-anak na tingin nyo
13:15.1
lumaki sa mga narcissistic na
13:17.2
parents and medyo kakaiba yung ugali nila.
13:19.4
Ganito po yung way para mag-show
13:21.2
support sa kanila. Of course, huwag nyo na po sisisihin.
13:23.7
Huwag nyo na aawain. Kasi di naman nila gusto yan eh.
13:25.9
Di nila gusto yung nangyari. And victim lang
13:27.6
rin sila dyan sa ganyang environment.
13:29.4
Pakinggan nyo po yung kanilang mga kwento
13:31.5
yung mga sa loobin nila. Huwag nyo po
13:33.4
i-invalidate yung mga feelings nila. Kasi
13:35.3
valid po lahat yan. And totoo pong nangyayari
13:37.3
yung mga yan. And of course, maging pasensyoso
13:39.8
din kayo. Be patient sa kanila.
13:41.9
Kung medyo kakaiba yung ugali,
13:43.5
hindi mo kasundo. Kung gusto mo talaga sila
13:45.3
tulungan, magkaroon ka ng mahaba-habang
13:47.5
pasensya. And of course, kung meron time,
13:49.8
samahan nyo pong magpakonsulta
13:51.3
sa mga psychiatrist. Naalala ko yung ano,
13:53.7
there was a person that I hooked up
13:55.4
with. He was an artist. Parang
13:57.2
sinabi niya sa akin na, it's insane
14:01.4
my body and I had to become a different
14:03.6
person. Just so I can tell
14:05.3
myself na mali yung sinabi sa akin
14:07.5
ng magulang ko when I was growing up that I was
14:09.4
ugly. Kung meron kayo tanong, comment down below.
14:11.3
And kung nag-benefit ka sa video na to, please
14:13.1
follow my social media pages.
14:15.5
To Ma'am Salome Salvi, thank you
14:17.5
Thank you for sharing your story.
